What your cat wants you to know

If your feline friend speaks your language, here are a few things he would probably like you to know.

1) I am your boss. Get used to it. I decide when I want your company. I am not a dog who trusts you to make these decisions in our relationship.

2) I am a Phoenician. I like the food that I like and I will not eat cheap things. I prefer that the unpleasant water that remains overnight on my plate is thrown out first thing in the morning. If you can’t satisfy this need, don’t yell at me when you see me desperately sticking my head down the toilet for fresh water. Trust me, it’s not something I want to do, but if you don’t take proper care of me, I just don’t have a choice.

3) I like my space. I choose my space. I choose special places in Our House to sunbathe, take my afternoon nap, relax after dinner, etc. Don’t expect me to clean my hair. I can’t help it if I throw myself on your precious couch, and I personally don’t mind if I leave a little of myself in my favorite places.

4) I don’t want to have a new “sister” or “brother”, that is, a feline relative. If they came to live with you when I did, that’s fine. If you are trying to improve the quality of my life by giving me a new friend, forget it … I don’t want one. I like being the Queen / King of Our Domain. I don’t want to share my palace with anyone.

5) I like you and I like your children (or most of them). But I choose when I want to be bothered with the youngsters. Please don’t push me when I’m clearly not in the mood to play, which consequently forces me to let you know that I don’t want to interact with them in the only way I know how: by whistling, scratching, or trying to escape. My actions inevitably lead you to yell at me for showing my feelings. Then we could make life a lot simpler, if you avoided this whole scenario from the beginning.

6) I have certain innate needs, such as the need for something to scratch, please make our life easier by buying me something just for this purpose … So I don’t have to resort to using the back of the chair, the carpet, the front porch comforter or screen (which will definitely make you have to yell at me one more time for something I have a natural desire to do …)

7) Remember that you chose me. You decided to bring me to your house. I did not choose you. I had no choice. However, I treat you with respect and love, so you should also treat me equally …