Top 10 friendship killers: avoid them like the plague
Do you have “friends” that are killing you? I mean, do you have the kind of friends that you walk away from feeling like you have to downplay your accomplishments or talents?
Do you have friends who are too possessive? Backstabbing? Or are you one of those types of friends? In this article, I reveal the top 10 behaviors that are breaking your friendships and what you can do to be a better friend and have healthier friendships.
Friendship Killer # 1 – Jealousy
I don’t know how it works with men, but women are notoriously malicious. Trust me. I grew up with a very jealous and competitive mother who couldn’t bear for me to shine. In fact, she will turn 75 in June and she still hates that I am a confident woman because she feels so threatened.
I also grew up with 4 malicious sisters whose only goal in life was to bring me down (and everyone else). So I know a thing or two about jealousy.
How to detect jealousy in a friend
You know your friend is jealous when she behaves passively aggressive by constantly making comments (put-downs) about your boyfriend, your clothes, your lifestyle, etc. And you find yourself having to downplay your accomplishments and talents so that she doesn’t get angry or start to get competitive.
Jealousy destroys relationships because you can never be happy for the other person. And the very essence of friendship is mutual support.
Tip: If you are the jealous type, ask yourself why you feel less. Build your self-esteem by doing valuable things for yourself and others.
If your friend is the jealous one, have a serious conversation with her. Tell her that you want to support her, but that you cannot and will not be in a friendship that is riddled with jealousy.
By the way, I no longer speak to my mother and will only take care of one of my sisters. Yes it was that bad.
Friendship Killer # 2 – Selfishness (Narcissism)
With selfish friends, it’s always about them. Everything has to be on your terms. If you don’t agree with their program, they try to make you feel guilty, put you down, etc.
Tip: You may just be dealing with someone who doesn’t realize that they are selfish. If that’s the case, you should gently tell your friend how her behavior affects you.
If you are dealing with a narcissist, you may want to end the friendship as it will always be one-sided.
Friendship Killer # 3 – The Manipulator
The manipulative friend can never be direct. They know your weaknesses, so they hint when they want you to do something, knowing that you will fall for their manipulation: hook, line and sinker.
Tip: Kindly let your friend know that you would appreciate her being more direct with you.
Friendship Killer # 4 – Possessiveness
I had a friend who always looked down on any other friend she wanted to hang out with because she couldn’t bear to have me with anyone else. When I wanted to include others in the activities, she vehemently objected.
Tip: Choking someone, telling them they can’t have other friends, is a sign of fear of abandonment. If you are the one behaving possessively, ask yourself why you are so terrified of losing your friend. If it is your friend who is possessive, ask her the same, gently, of course.
Then seek therapy.
Friendship killer # 5 – The critic
With criticism, you can never win. Sometimes you can almost win, but inevitably the critic will find something wrong with you or what you did, what you are wearing, etc.
Being around someone who is overly critical is devastating to your psyche and your self esteem.
Tip: Let go of friendship. People who are overly critical will always raise the bar just out of reach. It is a dead end situation. Cut your losses.
Friendship killer # 6 – The exploiter
The explosive always keeps you off balance. It’s his way of controlling you. Being friends with an exploiter is like walking through a minefield. You never know what will cause them. Walking on eggshells in a relationship is unhealthy and inhibits the growth of both parties.
Tip: Tell your friend to seek anger management or you will leave.
Friendship killer # 7 – Greed
Everyone feels a twinge of jealousy sometimes. But when it’s a constant in your friendship, that’s bad. Greed goes hand in hand with jealousy. But it is a closer cousin to envy.
Your envious friend always wants what you have. The mentality is “there is not enough for everyone, so I want what is yours”.
Tip: Tell your friend that you are jealous of her and that she is uncomfortable. Tell her that if she acts on her greed, she will associate less with her.
Friendship killer # 8 – Disloyalty
God, I hate disloyal people. The disloyal friends are the traitors. Gossip. They are the ones you share trust with and then you find out on the 6:00 o’clock news. They are the ones who laugh at you when you fall, instead of helping you get up.
Here’s the deal. I don’t think people should be loyal to the extreme. But you must be loyal until your friend is no longer worthy of your loyalty.
Tip: If you cheat on me once, it’s your fault. If you cheat on me twice, it’s my fault.
Friendship killer # 9 – Liars
Liars really annoy me. You cannot trust them. Always. And you can’t have a friendship without trust.
Tip: Confront your friend about his lies. Tell them that you can’t trust them if they lie to you all the time and that trust is an important and necessary part of friendship.
Friendship killer # 10 – Being too “busy”
Relations are not one-sided. Everybody is busy. But friendships take time and effort. You have to decide if you really want the friendship because it requires an investment.
So if your friend always says she’s “busy,” it means she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
Tip: I’d see how often she tells me she’s too busy to hang out before breaking off the friendship.
Friendships are an important part of life. Therefore, you must make sure that the very people who are supposed to be uplifting to you do not exhaust you. This tip goes to any kind Of relationship.
So, start paying close attention to your circle of friends and see if any of them fit into one or more of the “friendship killer” categories. Then do what you have to do to take care of yourself.